Day 10

After months of working on my business, I'm approaching the end of my runway. I haven't seen the progress, growth, or revenue I envisioned. I have to determine what's next. Do I pivot my business? If so, how? Do I put it on the back-burner and focus on finding another full-time job? Do I sell one or both of my condos to sustain me until my business is profitable?

I've never really struggled with money. I haven't always had as much as I wanted but I've always had more than I needed. God always provided and I knew that He provided well and entrusted me to give to others. I knew part of why I've always had more than enough was because I was supposed to support the work of others who were serving His causes.

Then I left my corporate job. Really, I felt the door closed in a way that made no sense to me. It seemed I was being redirected. I was tired of consuming, being a cog in a wheel that was not making the world better. I wanted to create value. I wanted to devote my time to helping others. I wanted to run my own business, have control over my time, who I helped, how I helped them, and also be able to make a lot more money.

I've had this dream for years that I would get to a point where I could inverse tithe - instead of living on 90% of my income and donating 10%, I could live on 10% and donate 90%. It's not that I want to be poor; it's really the opposite. I want to make so much money that 10% is far more than I need and I can be truly, outrageously generous in serving others.

But, here I am, with no profitable business. The money I had saved to live on this year is almost gone. I don't understand. I know business is not easy, but I expected it to be blessed. I expected there to be confirmation that I was on the right track - or redirection to the right track.

Even now, logically, my mind says to start looking for a job. But that doesn't seem like the right move. It's not about reluctance to have a boss again or to work for someone else. It's a sense that whatever I'm doing isn't done yet.

This is a new challenge. It's a new way of being, a new way of living, a new way of creating value. It's also a new way of faith. I've rarely had to rely on God for a job or income. My career has always been the most obvious part of my life and my faith.

I've had to rely on God daily for sustenance through grief, heartbreak, health issues, decisions, relocations, and deployments. But the jobs always came with a mission, a team, a salary. There was infrastructure and training.

This is just me trying to build a boat as I'm floating in the ocean. I'm trying to trust that the right materials and tools come along at the right time and that I'll know what to do with them. I keep getting distracted by the waves and am continually wondering which direction I should be heading. As if that matters when I have no ship to steer.

I don't know what comes next. I don't know what it will look like, when it will arrive, or what state I will be in. I know God has brought me this far and so whatever happens next will be amazing. Maybe not how I envisioned, hoped, or planned, but He wouldn't have brought me this far to leave me on my own. He has plans to prosper and not to harm, for hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Even if I don't know what I'm doing, He does. There are too many roads and opportunities. I can't plan for everything. How limiting that would be anyway. I'm trying to stay focused and faithful and excited to be on the journey.